FINAL POST

We traveled to Puerto Viejo- my first time to the Carribean coast. Our hotel, the Banana Azul (Blue Banana) was super super awesome. It was run by two gay men and was just reopening the day we arrived. I got a luxurious room with a balcony and a hammock, AND the bugs weren't that bad (in the hotel at least- our hikes were a different story). The beach, Playa Barbara (shout out to Aunt Babs!) was maybe 5 steps away. But let me tell you, this ain't your grandma's beachfront. These waves rocked my world and spin cycled me 3 times in a row. I crawled back to land and swung in a hammock. Smamacita claims that she body surfed a wave (up for debate) and almost lost her bathsuit bottoms in Davvy Jones' Locker.

For our first dinner we ate at Monita Bonita (Beautiful Feminine Monkey) Smother and Stan split a red snapper and I got sushi- not bad, not bad at all. A live Calypso band came towards the end and ran through some great Belefonte hits. On our way out we stopped to admire lobsters, huge suckers with no pinchers! We also had a chance run-in with the owner, a gringa who I think had no actual knowledge of Spanish (based upon her sad miscommunications with the waiters).

The next morning as we ate our huevos rancheros, Gekko Tours came to inform us that snorkeling visibility was poor and asked if we wanted to postpone our trip. We opted to hold off for the next day and instead did the trifecta of Animal Rescue/Chocolate Lady/Waterfall- an obvious grouping of the coolest tourist attractions.

The animal rescue introduced us to a variety of snakes- including the BUSH MASTER, the most deadly snake in Costa Rica. Of 6 reported bites, 5 have been fatal. But you can tell by those numbers that the snakes are reclusive and don't usually attack. The coolest part about the reserve was the spider monkey babies. Our guide (a nice Spaniard whose specialty is primates) constantly had at least one on her head. An interesting note, you should always pick up monkeys by the tail, or cola.

Another really epic moment happened with our guide brought out both a three toed and a toe toed sloth. The three toed is my favorite as it reminds me a lot of Cammy Cakes. See facebook for upclose/personal sloth photos. Biggest disappointment: the caymens. They're like a foot long and just sat there. Apparently the local lore is that the tails are aphrodisiacs, so people will hunt them, cut off the tail and let them go.

Hasta Luego, Costa Rica: parte uno

Twas a whirlwind week, truly la vida luja (life of luxury), ergo I didn't have time to sit on mis pompis to write about it- I was too busy!

But now, from the frigid heart of winter, Colorado Springs (Current temp 27°F) and rocking out to Jane Child, I have time to recount my travels with Smamacita y Esteban (the Spanish names for Smother and Stan).

Well, as previously posted, heaven is not located in the skies or the great unknown, but rather about 5k from the Juan Santamaría International Airport; it is better known as The Marriott.

We boot-scooted out at a brisk 8 am though, there was much country to see and we could not relax in heaven forever. We bused to La Fortuna with a group of Swedish women, they laughed a lot and had a full foldout map of Costa Rica. La Fortuna is central, a little nothern, and at the base of the Arenal Volcano. And literally AT THE BASE of the Arenal Volcano is Las Lomas del Volcan, aka our hotel. Should you chose to google this hotel, I assure you their photos do not do the pool justice, as that is where we spent the afternoon admiring our (almost) view of the peak.

We had an afternoon hike to view this active volcano (fun fact: because there is such a concentration of elements with high melting points which I can't remember right now, the volcano only spews solid rocks, NO LIQUID LAVA, so suck on that Hawaii.) Our hike was with some fun Spaniards, well most were fun, there was one odd man we named Slingblade and his ladyfriend, but they mostly kept to themselves. While the viewing of the Volcano was not the fire-show we'd hoped for, the hike was actually really fun and we saw some serious spiders (see the pictures that I'm sure Smamacita will soon post).

Afterwards we went to Tabacón Hot Springs, it was like Glenwood Hot Springs, only at least 5 independent, clear, uncrowded pools with a swim-up bar, so wait- it was nothing like Glenwood Hot Springs. We enjoyed a few Imperials on tap, Smamcita rather chose a long island and then the three of us went down the waterslide train style- no bloody noses! Dinner was this feast of the gods buffet, and I even got a little shotglass of arroz con leche for dessert. Esteban befriended a nice waiter and mercifully snagged us a separate table from the group, who we liked for the most part, except Slingblade and his ladyfriend.

The next day we got up to go horsebackriding (is that one word?) to la cataracta de La Fortuna (La Fortuna Falls). Smamacita is fairly confident our guide was con goma (hungover) because he said he was sleepy and he reminded her of Ryan when he is hungover. Our horses were named Sudden Death, Killer and Terminator... supposedly. Truly they lacked the fire within that would have necessitated the goofy helmets (a surprising show of safety in an otherwise regulationless nation).

To truly understand the waterfalls you must see Smamacita's photos (both of my cameras are malfunctioning. I know, I don't want to talk about it). The falls were spectacular, they look like what Splash Mountain seemed to be when you were 5 at Disneyland. On the way back we stopped for a presentation about the Malekus, one of the 2 remaining indigenous tribes of Costa Rica. The only thing I remember is that as a greeting they knock on each other shoulders as if knocking on a door and say Kapi Kapi.

As I write this and my eyes grow heavy, I realize so, too, must yours. So I am cutting this post at La Fortuna, and you shall have to wait for baited breath to see what excitement is yet to be told of Puerto Viejo de Talamanca...